The past two weeks since I have returned from a Biblical Counseling conference with 11 others from our church has been a bit harder than I had expected. Many times when you go to these types of things you are on a "high" of sorts. With this one I just found myself re-focused as to where I need to change in my own spiritual walk with Jesus Christ and also praying that my thoughts and decisions would be more inline with what God wants me to do to glorify Him.
However, tonight I am sorting through many different thoughts, emotions and feeling conflicted. I know that my identity and purpose is in Jesus Christ and yet where I think I am supposed to be, just working part-time and staying home with our son Caleb has become repetitive and not very fulfilling.
I am very thankful for the opportunity to not have to work full time for an income for our family, however, I also struggle with the fact of not having a lot of social interaction and feeling extremely drained daily while caring for our 15 month old son. I love spending time with our son, but also miss that "control" that I used to have of my schedule before he was born.
Being a parent is a lot harder than I imagined when I longed for God to bless us with a child. I don't want to fill up my life with things that will just keep me busy and yet I do desire to have meaningful relationships with people in my life so that we can help each other along the way as we all stumble along in God's grace.
What is the balance? Am I searching after something that is not possible? Praying for wisdom in this....