As a child, I had a pretty "safe" upbringing and did not see much of the hurt, pain and loss in this world. My parents both had good jobs and we did not want for much. I was fortunate enough to be involved with many activities throughout my school years and then went on to attend a private 4-year college, earn a degree and meet my wonderful husband Matt. I became a follower of Christ at a young age and have been growing steadily in my relationship with Jesus ever since then.
However, now more than ever I feel like my faith and trust in God is being tested. As Caleb starts to walk, climb and become his own person, I feel this great desire to make sure that he does not get hurt. I know this is something that is built into us as mothers and I am thankful for it, but frankly anything revolving around injuries/medical happenings I do not do well.
Recently, Caleb had a tumble from one of our window seals. As it happened I rushed over to him and panicked and then started to cry. I am so scared to lose him because I love him so much. Right then, do I really believe that God is in control and wants what is best for Caleb? I pray that as I walk down this path of parenthood that God will continue to grow me in this area and that one day I will not fear the circumstances themselves. I told Matt that I pretty much know nothing about medical things because I do not like anything in this area which is probably why I feel so helpless! And yet, all the more reason to put my trust in God.
Another example of trusting God lately is seeing three different people I know battle different kinds of cancer. Physical sickness is such a hard area in life. God chooses to heal some and chooses to take others to heaven with him and yet we don't know why except the fact that ultimately he wants to be glorified.
Through most of these happenings lately I have been able to identify once again that an area in my life that is a battle ground is health/fitness. I definitely rely on myself way to much in this area and desire to always have the best. However, I am so thankful for God's grace and willingness to daily help me through this struggle and that He wants to change my heart, soul and mind to be more like Him!