Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Trusting God...

Various circumstances and happenings in my life recently have made me ask myself the question....Do I really trust God and believe he is in control?

As a child, I had a pretty "safe" upbringing and did not see much of the hurt, pain and loss in this world.  My parents both had good jobs and we did not want for much.  I was fortunate enough to be involved with many activities throughout my school years and then went on to attend a private 4-year college, earn a degree and meet my wonderful husband Matt.  I became a follower of Christ at a young age and have been growing steadily in my relationship with Jesus ever since then.  

However, now more than ever I feel like my faith and trust in God is being tested.  As Caleb starts to walk, climb and become his own person, I feel this great desire to make sure that he does not get hurt.  I know this is something that is built into us as mothers and I am thankful for it, but frankly anything revolving around injuries/medical happenings I do not do well.  

Recently, Caleb had a tumble from one of our window seals.  As it happened I rushed over to him and panicked and then started to cry.  I am so scared to lose him because I love him so much.  Right then, do I really believe that God is in control and wants what is best for Caleb?  I pray that as I walk down this path of parenthood that God will continue to grow me in this area and that one day I will not fear the circumstances themselves.  I told Matt that I pretty much know nothing about medical things because I do not like anything in this area which is probably why I feel so helpless!  And yet, all the more reason to put my trust in God.  

Another example of trusting God lately is seeing three different people I know battle different kinds of cancer.  Physical sickness is such a hard area in life.  God chooses to heal some and chooses to take others to heaven with him and yet we don't know why except the fact that ultimately he wants to be glorified.  

Through most of these happenings lately I have been able to identify once again that an area in my life that is a battle ground is health/fitness.  I definitely rely on myself way to much in this area and desire to always have the best.  However, I am so thankful for God's grace and willingness to daily help me through this struggle and that He wants to change my heart, soul and mind to be more like Him!         

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Life Is Going So Fast These Days...

Caleb in his Jersey
People have always told me that life just keeps going faster as you get older.  I believed them but you can't quite understand what that means until you experience it.  Sort of like when you have children...you can't understand it until you experience it!

I feel like the past 5 months after Caleb turned one have absolutely flown!  I think part of it was because I was wishing away some of the months due to the horrible weather that we had.  I am such an outside/sunshine person that the "late" winter that just kept hanging on this year was pretty miserable for me.  However, I have also been spending time just watching and enjoying all the ways Caleb is changing and learning.  It is simply amazing all of the new things he has learned in the past 5 months. He started walking, using utensils, started to understand all kinds of things like knowing where the vaccum goes, climbing up and down stairs, words like ball, outside, go-go and the list goes on and on.  To see a child develop is one of the coolest things.  I feel so blessed.

Another reason that I feel this way is because I know God has been working on my heart as well.  I was convicted about a month ago that I was not content with where God had me in life.  I love Caleb and my husband Matt and I was so thankful for everything but not at peace and content.  I started to realize that this was an issue in my life and not pleasing to God.  I was in a sense saying to Him, where you have me in life is not good enough.  After being humbled about this and really starting to focus more on God's way and not my way, I have found so much more joy in every day.  One thing in particular that is a symbol for me going forward with this continued journey of finding contentment are flowers.  I have never been a big fan of flowers because I see them as something you spend your money on and then they die.  However, in one of the Biblical Counseling sessions that I was sitting in on at our church, the pastor told the person to go that week and put flowers on their table.  These flowers were a symbol and reminder of all the things that God has blessed us with.  A flower is a beautiful creation by God and such a wonderful thing to remind us of His goodness.  After I thought about this and with all that God has been teaching me through parenting, I have started to realize the simple beauty of life just like the simple beauty of a flower.  This summer I hope to put many flowers in our home and on our table and enjoy them for what they are! ;)