It says in James 1:5, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."
I was struck by a sentence this past week in a Paul Tripp devotional. It said..."envy questions the wisdom of God." Lately I have been praying for wisdom for both Matt and I as we navigate understanding and discipline with our son. However, this sentence helped me think about wisdom in a whole different aspect.
Through analyzing my thoughts I have been starting to identify that I am struggling with envy and contentment at the current time. I have found that when I have more "down time", I actually have time to think about things that I want versus what I need. For example...on my days off when my son and I are home, I almost always want to go out and do things. This usually involves grabbing a latte and going and looking at things in stores. The thought of staying at home all day actually scares me. However, if I am out and about than my sinful heart wants to buy things. I have found that if I stay home with my son for a good chunk of the day he sort of gets bored and then that requires me to do a lot of things with him in which I get weary and would rather be doing things around the house.
This lack of contentment carries over to other areas of my life as well. I love to run/walk and participate in work out classes. It is definitely my release but I have also found that I think it helps give me something to focus on besides my materialistic wants and selfish desires to use my time instead of having to use it on other things.
When Matt is home in the evenings and weekends, I don't have as much of a hard time with contentment and envy because I have less time to think about it and yearn for things that are not needed. I often wonder....is this the way God created me...or can he give me more peace when I am not as busy and help me to be more content?
Where is the balance of trying to do things in your life to keep you less focused on yourself and more focused on serving God and others? Parenting is so difficult for me at times. I feel like when I was needed all the time by my son it was easier because I did not have a choice of where I spent my time. Now...as he gets older I find it much harder to sacrifice my time again and get impatient with him often.
I leave you this verse as I meditate on it myself...
"For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness." James 3:16-18