"Grief never ends...but it changes. Its a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith...it is the price of love." - Unknown
As many of you know, my mom passed on from this world to be with her Savior late on Monday, May 18th. She died from cancer a horrible disease which was hard to see her suffer through. It has been exactly two weeks from today and yet everything is still so raw.
Some of the hardest thoughts to work through are ones such as, "I feel so overwhelmed, who can I call?" "My mom will never meet any other children that we will have or adopt." "Why am I going through all of this? First infertility and now my mom dieing. I don't think I can handle much more."
As I sort through all the emotions and thoughts going through my head it has helped me to also really think about death. Death is a horrible and terrifying thing as it should be because it is the final consequence of sin in this world. It says in an article entitled, "Die Well" on the Desiring God website:
"For the Christian, death is not gain because it gives us something
great, but because, even though it takes away everything else, it can’t
take away Jesus. Death is gain because when all is lost, we still have
all we ever really wanted, and now we have him in a deeper, richer experience that, as the apostle Paul says, is “far better” (Philippians 1:23)."
As I am grieving, I can say with all truth that this is what has been made more clearer....the only thing that matters here in this life on earth is the depth of our relationship with God and our relationships with others. Isn't this what it says are the two commandments that God gives us, to Love Him and Love others? One of the places it says this is in Mark 22:
"37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself."
Life is so full of distractions, comparisons, entertainment and pride. We are broken people in need of a relationship with God who wants to fill us up so we can be made whole. All this requires of us is to openly admit that we cannot control our life and don't know what is best for us. I do know this is not an easy task but such a rewarding one when finally humble our self and ask for help.
As I was reflecting on the last few months of my mom's life here on earth on the way home this evening, I was thinking about how thankful I was to have so much time with her, serving her and taking care of her with my dad. It was extremely hard and many times I thought....it would be easier to just stay away and try to forget this was all happening. And yet...so many people kept telling me that this time was so special and the process of walking alongside her and ushering into heaven would be a blessing to me and that I would see God working. They were all right! In fact, God even had it worked out for our family to be in Des Moines the afternoon of when my mom really started to be unresponsive. I was able to go and talk to her and hear friends of hers sing worship songs to her and pray over her during her last hours of life on this earth. She was surrounded by so many people that loved her that evening before she passed onto glory!
My mom touched many lives. She loved kids and cared for everyone that she met. She taught my sisters and I so much about taking care of our home, cooking, sewing, eating healthy and she and my dad were/are always our biggest cheerleaders. Most importantly, my parents pointed us to Jesus and helped us to learn what having a relationship with God meant and for that I am forever grateful.
As much as this grief and loss hurts...I am forever grateful for that love that I received from my mom. All glory to God, great things he hath done.