Matt and I started the "waiting" period of our adoption journey in mid-June. Our homestudy is all done and approved and now we are patiently waiting with many other resource families that are adopting through Bethany Christian Services as well. What this means is that we really have no idea when God will bring us a baby to welcome into our family. It could be months or years, only time will tell. What we do know is that God knows just the right baby for us to parent and we can trust in His perfect plan.
I was just thinking back to my childhood and how most of the time being the third and last child of the family, I did not have to wait for many things. Since I had two older sisters who were both much older than me, I always got my own room and was able to do most of the activities growing up that I wanted to do, plus I was the only child left at home when I was in 7th grade. Therefore, I had my parents attention most all of the time and they were able to come to all of my activities etc. Let's just say....I was a very blessed child and for this I am thankful.
However, after getting married to a wonderful man, God has challenged me in many areas of my life and waiting for things that I have desired has been one of them. At first when I found out about my infertility and the realization that there was nothing that I could change....I was angry with God. These are natural emotions and feelings and I believe God wants us to cry out to him when we have these emotions as many of the Psalms are like this in the Bible. Also, in my 11 years of being out of college, I have had quite a variety of jobs and workplaces....Panera and Chick-fil-A doing marketing/catering, a year in a middle school as an assistant in the library, working at our church and at a coffee shop. Many times, especially during my first 5 years of employment, I was not always content in where God had me and I was always looking for something more. I believe that one of the main reasons that I was discontent was because I did not find my fulfillment as a person in my savior Jesus Christ. Even though I had been a follower of Jesus since I was ten years old, I don't think I really thought I needed him as life was pretty good already. When I am not consistently reading my Bible, everything and everyone else's life around me often looks so much better.
Now as we wait to see what God is going to do through this adoption journey, I am excited. That is what trials like infertility, my mom's death and so many other hurts and struggles in the past 6 years have given me.....a trust and peace in God's plan and not my own. The brokeness that I have experienced at times have brought me that much closer to my savior Jesus Christ and I am the most content in my life as I have ever been. I have no expectations because I know that what God's will is for our family is also my will.
I love what it says in Mark 2:17:
"On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
We are all people in need of a relationship with Jesus. When we have lost hope....that is when we find hope in Him!