Saturday, April 4, 2020

The Tension Between My Responsibility and My Inability

Since the start of 2020, I have been reading the book, Risen Motherhood, Gospel Hope for Everyday Moments, an excellent read that I would highly recommend.  Tonight, this phrase stood out to me...

Jesus is the only person who reconciles the tension between our responsibility and our inability.

Just let that sink in a bit. 

When our Iowa governor, Governor Reynolds announced on Thursday, April 2nd that schools would officially be closed until April 30th and most everything else would still be closed as well, the truth of our reality truly set in.  For me, I knew this was coming, but it was as if I had been holding my breath and pretending I was doing ok as I was going through every day attending to our children, home and family. 

I have found myself do this exact same thing over and over in my life.  I know that God wants to carry my burdens and give me the strength to live this life as his child and yet I still try to take on that responsibility alone.  As I went to bed Thursday night grieving what we are going through, not angry at God but still not in submission to Him and then finally breaking down in tears in the car on Friday afternoon after a tense trip to the grocery store, I finally realized that again I had been trying to do this time all on my own when the fact is as a human, I am unable. 

A good friend of mine had shared with me as I was struggling that she had been studying in the book of John in the Bible.  Jesus says in John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God, trust also in me."  He goes on further in John 14: 27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." 

We have an advocate in Jesus, our Savior and friend.  He lived on this earth as both fully God and fully Man, experienced all the pain, suffering and death and yet made a way for us to be made right with God the father through his death and resurrection on the cross.  This is what we celebrate at Easter, which is coming up next week!  As a follower of Jesus this constant reminder of my freedom from all my sins and constant gift of being able to give these burdens up to him is amazing.  Plus, when Jesus was resurrected, He left us the Holy Spirit to live and dwell in us when we choose to submit our lives to God!  The Holy Spirit gives us counsel and makes us more like Jesus!   

The other thing that this COVID-19 virus has really made me think about is whether my purpose in life is truly to glory God.  Am I worried about losing all of my material things on earth?  Am I mourning losing this life here on earth if I were to die?  It says in John 12:24-26,

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed, But if it dies, it produces many seeds.  The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be.  My Father will honor the one who serves me."

I am not fearful of where I will go when I die as I know I will be in heaven, rejoicing with Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.  This is the hope that I have as we navigate these days and months ahead.  Only God knows the number of our days here on this earth and so we can stop worrying about that.  Is this still a fearful time?  Yes, but I have been reminded that the best way to move forward is in humble submission to God and gratitude.  He loves us so much and wants to carry our burdens.